Title: Everybody Loves Radek
Author: Rose Wilde-Irish
Pairing: Z/M, Z/W, Z/D, Z/G, Z/S, Z/S, Z/K, Z/B Z/B, Z/F...the fic is titled "Everybody Loves Radek", after all
Summary: what, you need more than the title?
Notes: Pretty sure it's a close relative of crack!fic. Swiped ms_smooth's first name choice for Corrigan. Thanks to ms_smooth, kyrdwyn, irishaithne, terrie01, qwirky and liminalliz for beta duty and laughing in the right parts. Huge thanks to icie for the Czech help.
"I'm sorry, repeat please?" Radek leaned back in his chair and stared at Sean Corrigan in disbelief.
"I said, there's a pool out there on who you're going to pick next."
"What next? There has been no first yet."
Corrigan smirked, nodding. "Not to hear the others talk."
"Who? Please, Sean, this is simply surreal." Radek shook his head, unable to grasp it. "Who in hell finds gossip about me interesting?"
"It's quite fascinating, actually. I've got the start of a good paper or article on the whole phenomena. Without traditional entertainment venues, the society has defaulted to its one constant source of stimulae - gossip. You see-"
"Focus, please! And details." Radek could feel the flush on his cheeks. He kept from staring at the various people still in the mess hall and focused on his friend instead, who grinned at him.
"Sorry. Occupational hazard. You should see how you get when examining-"
"Sean, for the love of God..."
This time Corrigan looked a little embarassed. "Yes. I guess I can see how this would be-"
"Well. It'd actually be shorter to list who you haven't slept with in the expedition, according to rumor mill. Current favorites are either Dr. Weir or Dr. McKay, and one particularly juicy variant has the two of them about to square off in battle over you."
After a moment, Radek shut his mouth and buried his face in his hands, fingers threading underneath his glasses to rub his eyes. "And what am I doing during all this violence?"
He glanced through his fingers in time to see Corrigan's feral grin. "Pining over lost loves."
Radek dropped his hands. "Loves...plural?" he asked cautiously.
Corrigan nodded. "Well, you were willing to find comfort in the arms of Dr. Grodin after the untimely death of Dr. Dumais, which made Peter's groupies happy, because they felt the two of you...how to put it... Oh, yes. Completed each other."
Radek's eyes bugged out. "Like that movie...wait, groupies?"
Corrigan's smile was a thing of pure evil. "Fans? Flunkies? What should I call them?"
Radek only shook his head. "Who else?"
"Hmmm, how shall I rank them? In order of appearance, intensity level, amount of debate generated, recurrance-"
"Sean!" By now there were only a few Marines left in the mess, who only glanced over at his tone and then back at their food, uninterested. Or so Radek hoped.
"Oh, all right. Dr. Simpson. Dr. Kavanagh--"
"Kavanagh! Who in the hell-"
"Oh, he's got his followers here, too. Those that feel he's simply a misunderstood, tortured soul-"
"Make that should be tortured," Radek mumbled, and Corrigan grinned.
"Doctor Beckett, half his nursing staff-"
"Idiotic. Why risk annoying the people who control your next physical?" Radek asked, sobering Corrigan into a nod.
"Sergeant Bates, Lietenant Ford, Major Sheppard-"
"Military?" Radek squeaked. "I'm sleeping with the American military?" He glanced nervously over at the remaining Marines, who were gazing over at the two of them a little curiously, and possibly inquisitively. Radek dearly hoped it was his overactive imagination reading too much into just a look.
"Don't ask, don't tell," Corrigan said with another smile. "Though some of the telling was quite juicy. Apparently Sergeant Bates is quite flexible-"
Radek clapped his hands over his ears. "I don't wish to hear any more!"
"Really? Because the exploits of the Biro/Dumais tag team are legendary-"
Radek had just buried his head in his hands on the table top as Corrigan spoke, ignoring the reaction his tales were producing, when his comm crackled. "Radek, can you join me in my lab? I need a second pair of hands."
Ignoring Corrigan's whispered "Code for 'come blow me'!", Radek groaned and sighed, then triggered his comm. "On my way, McKay."
Glaring at Corrigan, he stood, shaking his finger. "You are evil man. I could have lived long in peace without this knowledge." He exited as dignified as he could, followed by Corrigan's laughter.
A few paces into the hallway, Radek realized just how much coffee it had taken to drag this latest bit of information out of Sean. Sighing, he detoured for one of the public rest rooms, knowing that if McKay were desperate, he'd have called a few more times to check on Radek's status.
He was two steps into the room before he realized who else was in it. Bates and Kavanagh. He froze, staring for a split second, then turned on his heel and exited.
Outside the door, he paused for a momentary shudder, simultaneously disgusted by the rumors of Kavanagh - really, the man wasn't completely unattractive, Radek thought, but his personality... - and a little intrigued, yet horrified, by the comments of the Sergeant's flexibility.
Shaking his head, he continued on towards Rodney's lab, bladder forgotten. Instead, he was painfully aware of every person he passed, noting the expressions on their faces, the paths their eyes traveled - noted and analyzed. He felt his paranoia grow - was that hunger in Simpson's expression? Vague disgust in Stackhouse's? And, dear God, what was that enigmatic look from Teyla?
He didn't realize how much he'd increased his pace until his lungs felt the burn of it, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to slow down. He kept himself from running outright, but it was nearer than he'd like to admit.
Rodney didn't even glance up as he entered the lab, a little breathless and a lot relieved. "Good, you're here," Rodney said. "Get over here and...what's the matter?"
Radek glared at him, straightening and trying to catch his breath. "Nothing. Nothing is wrong. What is it that you need?"
Rodney had that look, the look he got when he was intent on chasing down the solution to a mystery. "Oh, no. You come running in here - not that I don't appreciate a little enthusiasm for my summons, but really-"
Radek frowned, eyes squinting as he took his anger out on Rodney's dogged refusal to let it go or to be wrong about anything. "It is none of your concern, McKay."
One side of Rodney's mouth quirked up. "You found out about the pool, didn't you? No wonder you've got that wild-eyed look. Well, if you decide to pick a winner, could you let me know? I could use the insi-"
Radek cut in, speaking in Czech, and let loose a variety of uncomplimentary things about Rodney and his ancestors and their sexual proclivities, finishing with, "...jebu tě!"
"Is that a suggestion? Because I'd really like to take advanta-"
Radek swung his fist, reaching the limits of his patience. Rodney sidestepped the punch easily, grabbing ahold of Radek and spinning the smaller man effortlessly. The breath whooshed out of Radek as his back collided solidly with the wall, and he was suddenly, uncomfortably aware of the points of contact between them.
He was already half hard. He flushed, blood singing with the need for either sex or violence, he wasn't sure he cared which. The whole situation mortified him, and he just wanted to go back to right before the conversation with Corrigan, before he was affected by it all.
Rodney was staring at him. "Come on, Radek," he said softly, "I've been training. Telegraph a punch that much and even I can't miss it." He shifted, twisting against Radek a little, and Radek felt an electric jolt head straight for his cock as he realized Rodney was half-hard, too. He glanced down, unable to see anything other than clothes spilling and pooling against each other, then up, into Rodney's eyes, the brilliant blue a thin ring around dilated pupils. He gripped Rodney's arms tightly, feeling his heart beat faster, breathing in and out in rough pants. Feeling Rodney against him, making him a little lightheaded, Radek shifted, rocking his hips and being rewarded with a sharp inhale from Rodney. In a flash, Rodney leaned in, nipping at the skin on Radek's neck, making him groan and thrust against Rodney in earnest. Radek ran his hands up Rodney's arms, dropping below the elbows and shifting to Rodney's sides, following his shirt down to the hem and sliding back up under it. His first touch of skin brought a moan to Rodney's lips, currently just below Radek's ear, and he felt the moan as much as he heard it.
Rodney was going one step further, pulling Radek's shirt up and over his head, still keeping his hips locked against Radek's, pulling his one hand free and out of the shirt, then the other. Radek cried out as Rodney's lips found his nipple, teasing it roughly, biting and sucking. "Rodney," Radek gasped, squirming, "get me away from this wall."
Rodney bit hard on his nipple and pushed hard against Radek. "No," he said, voice rough. "I like you here."
The words sent a current through Radek. He bit back the needy sound of his desire, but not enough of it, earning a wide grin from Rodney. "I think you like it, too." Rodney began a tortuously slow rhythm, thrusting against Radek while his hands and lips and teeth and tongue did wicked things, shutting off Radek's brain. He closed his eyes and surrendered to Rodney's deft touch, losing himself in the feelings so deeply he barely registered it when Rodney pulled the rest of their clothing off. Rodney began stroking him, shifting one leg between Radek's and spreading Radek's legs more. "I think you want it," Rodney continued, sliding his fingers down Radek's shaft and cupping his balls. Rodney leaned in, nipping at Radek's earlobe and sucking lightly as his hand squeezed gently. "Don't you," he said, voice rough and low in Radek's ear.
It wasn't a question, but Radek found himself answering anyway, a choked "Yes," as he bucked under Rodney's touch, feeling Rodney's tongue trace the outline of his ear.
"So what do you want me to do to you, Radek," Rodney continued, fingers teasing his entrance while his other hand toyed with a nipple. "What was it...jebu tě?"
Radek groaned, thrusting hard as Rodney quickly shifted to a firm grip on his cock. "Not yet," Rodney said. "Not until you tell me." He placed soft kiss on Radek's cheek, lips at odds with his hands, holding him in place.
"Yes, Rodney, yes, just fuck me!" Radek said, desperate. Rodney's hands left him but his legs and hips pressed against Radek, holding him against the wall, his cock rubbing against Radek's as he reached for something. Radek's eyes glazed over as he concentrated on the feel of Rodney, shifting and struggling, and then Rodney's fingers, cool and slick, began teasing and working him. "Aaah," Radek started, and focused on Rodney's smirk.
"You mean if I do this right, I can short circuit your words?" Rodney asked. He slid a finger deeper inside Radek. "What if I do this?" And now his fingers were twisting inside Radek, making Radek's knees almost buckle. Rodney pulled his fingers back and then in deep, making Radek cry out as the pleasure thrummed through him. "Mmmm," Rodney said as he slid his fingers free, leaving Radek bereft for a moment before pressing his slick cock against Radek. Whimpering, Radek spread his legs a bit wider and clung to Rodney, not trusting his legs to hold him up as Rodney kept up a slow push in.
And then stopped, leaving Radek groaning and panting. Rodney rested his forehead against Radek, and Radek could feel Rodney's own ragged breath hot against his cheek. "Jesus," Rodney said, then began thrusting, small strokes that kept working his cock deeper into Radek, whose only response was greedy noises of want as he pushed against Rodney.
When Rodney's still slick fingers closed around Radek's cock and began to stroke, his world greyed out into pleasure, waves of it threatening to rip him to shreds, building until he came with a shout, crying out "Yes, God, Rodney, yes!" and feeling Rodney follow a moment later.
When the world cleared around him again, he was sprawled on the floor beside Rodney, still panting, arms wrapped around the smug Canadian. "Well," Rodney said. "I think it's time to go collect my winnings now."
"Wait, you bet on yourself?" Radek said, incredulous.
Rodney stroked his cheek with gentle fingers, expression sated and superior. "Of course I did. Who else would I bet on? Corrigan? No, wait, as house I think he declared himself exempt." Rodney began reaching for his clothes. "Kavanagh was stupid enough to bet his last horde of coffee. Do you really think thaagh-"
Radek cut Rodney's flow of words off by kissing him hard, pushing him back against the floor and knocking his grip free of the clothes. Pulling back, Radek watched Rodney's expression as Radek's fingers began their own exploration. "Later," Radek ordered, stroking Rodney gently, "we can discuss how we will split up our winnings. Right now I wish to do some short circuiting of my own."
He began to kiss Rodney again, smiling as the other man moaned and clung to him.
*jebu tě - fuck you
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